Week 4 of lockdown proved tough for me.  Anxiety and fear took hold. Old coping strategies, behaviours and thought patterns crept back in.

The ‘I should’ started to be the driver of decisions, and my actions based on what I believed others were achieving at this time.

I have wanted to reach out and be able to hold space for others, but within my own four walls is where my attention has needed to be.

I thought if I did not get an online strategy together, that my business would suffer.

Then I realised…

When trying to figure out my next best steps, I need to ask myself –

How does this make me feel?

What is the real purpose of what I am trying to do?

For me, creating something new and stepping out of my comfort zone is what I normally enjoy doing. I love to push boundaries and find new ways to support others.

However, now is not the time for that.

I went to my closed therapy room yesterday and spent the day sorting through old learning that I have done over the last 11 years.  I flicked through folders, coursework and books I have used in my studies.  I found random notes and ideas that I have written down over the years, that haven’t yet come to life.  I was reminded of what journey I have been on to be the therapist I am today.

I have recognised, at a time of so much uncertainty, I don’t want to be stepping into the new and unknown.  I want to step into the old, where it feels comfortable and safe.

There is plenty I can achieve right now that feels so much better.  There are things that don’t require me to watch the clock, and keep to deadlines, and constant social media promotions, and hoping from week to week that I can get enough interest.

I love my work.  I enjoy supporting and guiding others when navigating their own paths to feeling good.  To be able to do that I need to feel strong and confident.

This is why, I am stepping back into the old.

I will spend the next month going back through my learning, refreshing what I already know, then reading more to gain knowledge on what I don’t.

I will develop my skillset and build my confidence.  I will get my paperwork and accounts in order, improving the ‘behind the scenes’ of FGT.

I will embrace the idea of slow living, moving to a new rhythm, and cook the meals I would recommend to postpartum Mothers, nourishing myself as I practice.

Along the way, I can simply share as I learn and, for now, that is enough.